I work with all of my dogs to ensure that they can be the best version of themselves that they can be. However, I'm also realistic about how much I can actually influence and change in each of my dogs. Yes I can build confidence and resilience in social situations by setting up desensitisation and counter conditioning exercises and using effective management when out in public, but I cannot change some fundamental characteristics. Mouse will always be small, Gru will always be slight and fragile and Jack will most likely always have sensitivities about his back end (due to his dodgy hips).
For the reasons listed above, there are some dogs that I will actively avoid with each of my dogs in order to keep them safe, maintain trust in my ability to manage situations and to avoid them practising behaviours that I find undesirable. By knowing my dogs' personalities, capabilities and drive I can
observe, assess and interpret the behaviour of another dog and establish whether that dog will be a good match for my dog in a social situation. This is a skill that I have developed over decades as a behaviourist, but any dog owner should endeavour to learn enough about canine communication to do a mini-assessment of a dog you meet on a walk and decide whether that is a suitable play mate for your pooch. If your 5 second assessment throws up any concerns, you can then manage the situation by making your excuses and leaving. Kendal Shepherd's 'Ladder of Aggression' is an excellent place to start with observing behaviours and assessing emotions http://www.thebluedog.org/en/dog-behaviour/behaviour-problems/why-does-my-dog/ladder-of-aggression.
Knowing what your dog enjoys and is worried by can also help you to decide whether the approaching dog is an appropriate play mate. For example, I know that Gru does not enjoy being body barged in play. He's fast enough to get away but I don't want to put him in that situation and risk him not recalling back to me in an attempt to avoid the other dog. Mouse weighs 4kg. She is not going to enjoy being pounced on by a larger dog (most dogs are bigger than her!) or chased by a dog with a predatory drive that might see her as a prey item. Jack is a bit of a wonky old man and isn't up for engaging in rough play so unless a dog is going to keep themselves to themselves, we stay on lead and bimble on our way.
There is no shame in knowing your dog's limitations and avoiding situations that may put them in danger or make them uncomfortable. In fact, I implore all dog owners to do more of it. In my behaviour work I see more and more dogs that have been completely overwhelmed by social encounters with 'rude' dogs that bound over and are not able to read the situation and react appropriately. To me, a well socialised dog is one that can walk with, play with and coexist with other dogs and people by conversing, establishing boundaries and building a relationship based on trust. This requires effective management from the human half of the partnership in every social situation and a knowledge of what your dog can and can't cope with.
